• Cassandra Vagher

Wedding Planning is Stressful

Updated: Nov 14, 2019

If you feel this way, you're not alone. I recently did some market research for wedding planning (because in my past life, I was a marketer). What I found while doing this research was, well, let's say, unpleasant. Here are some of the top phrase's people are googling when they're planning their big day:

  • Wedding planning is stressful

  • Wedding planning is stressing me out

  • Wedding planning is not fun

  • Wedding planning is depressing

  • Wedding planning is making me depressed

  • Wedding planning is making me miserable

  • Wedding planning is a nightmare

  • Wedding planning is overwhelming

  • Wedding planning is too stressful

  • Wedding planning is making us fight

  • Wedding planning is hard

  • Wedding planning is lonely

  • Can wedding planning make you depressed?

  • Can wedding planning cause depression?

CRINGE. Your wedding should be an extraordinary day for you. But it certainly shouldn't put you in six months of misery as you plan. Here are some things you can do to relieve some of the stress and lift the weight off your shoulders.

Take a break from Instagram and Pinterest

They are both great resources for wedding planning; however, they're probably feeding into your stress. When you see all these beautiful ideas and what everyone else is doing on social media, it makes you want to imitate these things and show off yourself. Instead, shut it down for a while, stop looking and comparing, and focus on what's important to you.

You can't please everyone.

Chances are you're trying to please two sets of parents (if not more), and your significant other, and you're trying to impress your friends, and put your bragging cousin to shame. Chill out for a second. A wedding day is about YOU and your significant other. It's not about pleasing your parents. Now's a good time to start saying no to things you don't want on your day. Eliminating pain points now will save you from headaches on the big day.

You're not obligated to invite everyone.

Some of the best advice I've received from past brides is, "don't invite anyone who's bad energy." Do you think they're going to nitpick over your details? Don't invite them. DO you think they're going to drink excessively at the reception? Another excuse not to invite them. Are they known to be rude or loud-mouthed on a typical day? Perfect, cross them off the list too. Just because your coworkers are decent acquaintances doesn't mean you're obligated to invite them. Plus, now you're saving money and making more room and time for the people you'd like to spend the day with!

Budget Appropriately

There is no reason to go into debt over a wedding. Repeat this with me. There is no reason to go into debt over a wedding. If this is a significant cause of your stress and you haven't signed contracts and paid deposits yet, start reconsidering how you're doing things. It's okay to cut back. While your vendors do need to make a living (wedding photography is my full-time job), you can find vendors that fit your budget and make you happy. You can find a balance!

Don't sign a contract with someone you don't like.

So you liked the florist's portfolio and pricing, but you didn't like the florist. That's a red flag to me. You should be doing business with people you enjoy. If you have issues with them in the beginning, you'll probably have more problems with them in the future. You can find other vendors with similar skill sets in the same price range that you enjoy; it just may take a few more tries!

Delegate tasks!

You'd be surprised at how other people are willing to help. As a photographer, I've interviewed and picked wedding photographers for my friend's weddings. While no one else should be signing a contract with a vendor for you, your bridesmaids can help with finding potential vendors in your price range. They can help find deals on decorations.

Also, if you don't hire a wedding planner, please, for your own sake, hire a friend to be a day-of coordinator so you can enjoy your wedding. Tell this person how you want your decorations and everything laid out. Leave it to them the day of, and you can enjoy it!

Ask your vendors for recommendations and tips and tricks.

As wedding veterans, we've seen a lot, have great connections, and know a thing or two about wedding planning. I'm always happy to answer a phone call about wedding recommendations. Also, I've planned dozens of significant corporate events, too, so I have event planning tricks up my sleeve!

Know not everything is going to go as planned. And that's okay.

Chances are good that something will go awry. In the past three years, I haven't gone to a wedding that every detail went 100% as planned. And it's okay! Instead, layback, relax, and enjoy your day. Chances are, in six weeks, or ten years down the road, you're not going to remember that the linens were a shade off or that the flower girl wouldn't toss the petals you purchased.

It’s okay to ask for help and take time for yourself!

Sometimes things can get overwhelming.here are so many details, plans, and checklists, as well as different opinions and personalities. Ask yourself, what do I need during this time? Self-care is key, even if it’s just doing an extra face mask or taking a walk around the block, small things lead to big changes. Find ways to release the tension. There are great guided meditations on YouTube by ‘The Honest Guys.’ Treat yourself to a massage, or go to therapy! Therapy is a beautiful way to check in with your emotions leading up to the big day. Having a therapist who is not only your personal cheerleader, but a person who can provide you a calm, neutral space to process through all the things can make a difference. During this time, remember, be mindful and take it all in. Time really does move quicker when you’re wedding planning. Take care of your needs and prioritize your mental health!

Check out Marriage and Family Therapist Morgan Tolle. She’s also a recent bride and knows the pain of wedding planning!

This article was co-written by wedding photographer Cassandra Vagher and therapist Morgan Tolle.


© 2019 by Cassandra Vagher.