Wedding Planning is Stressful
Updated: May 23, 2020
"Wedding Planning is making me depressed." Especially now with brides trying to reschedule, replan, or even cancel their weddings due to current circumstances - yes, this is stressful. Yes, you have the right to feel sad.
If you feel this way, you're not alone. I recently did some market research for wedding planning (because in my past life, I was a marketer). What I found while doing this research was, well, let's say, unpleasant. Here are some of the top phrase's people are googling when they're planning their big day:
Wedding planning is stressful
Wedding planning is stressing me out
Wedding planning is not fun
Wedding planning is depressing
Wedding planning is making me depressed
Wedding planning is making me miserable
Wedding planning is a nightmare
Wedding planning is overwhelming
Wedding planning is too stressful
Wedding planning is making us fight
Wedding planning is hard
Wedding planning is lonely
Can wedding planning make you depressed?
Can wedding planning cause depression?
CRINGE. Your wedding should be an extraordinary day for you. But it certainly shouldn't put you in six months of misery as you plan. Here are some things you can do to relieve some of the stress and lift the weight off your shoulders.
Take a break from Instagram and Pinterest
They are both great resources for wedding planning; however, they're probably feeding into your stress. When you see all these beautiful ideas and what everyone else is doing on social media, it makes you want to imitate these things and show off yourself. Instead, shut it down for a while, stop looking and comparing, and focus on what's important to you.
You can't please everyone.
Chances are you're trying to please two sets of parents (if not more), and your significant other, and you're trying to impress your friends, and put your bragging cousin to shame. Chill out for a second. A wedding day is about YOU and your significant other. It's not about pleasing your parents. Now's a good time to start saying no to things you don't want on your day. Eliminating pain points now will save you from headaches on the big day.
You're not obligated to invite everyone.
Some of the best advice I've received from past brides is, "don't invite anyone who's bad energy." Do you think they're going to nitpick over your details? Don't invite them. DO you think they're going to drink excessively at the reception? Another excuse not to invite them. Are they known to be rude or loud-mouthed on a typical day? Perfect, cross them off the list too. Just because your coworkers are decent acquaintances doesn't mean you're obligated to invite them. Plus, now you're saving money and making more room and time for the people you'd like to spend the day with!
There is no reason to go into debt over a wedding. Repeat this with me. There is no reason to go into debt over a wedding. If this is a significant cause of your stress and you haven't signed contracts and paid deposits yet, start reconsidering how you're doing things. It's okay to cut back. While your vendors do need to make a living (wedding photography is my full-time job), you can find vendors that fit your budget and make you happy. You can find a balance!
Don't sign a contract with someone you don't like.
So you liked the florist's portfolio and pricing, but you didn't like the florist. That's a red flag to me. You should be doing business with people you enjoy. If you have issues with them in the beginning, you'll probably have more problems with them in the future. You can find other vendors with similar skill sets in the same price range that you enjoy; it just may take a few more tries!
Lean on a Wedding Planner and Delegate Tasks
Do you know why wedding planners are magical creatures? Because they actually enjoy wedding planning, they get excited about it. They also make your wedding day go by so much smoother! They help you plan ahead of time, wedding planners vet vendors, go over details, and day of they coordinate everything so you can just relax and party! If you ask me, that's well worth it!
If you don't hire a wedding planner, please, for your own sake, hire a friend to be a day of coordinator so you can enjoy your wedding. Tell this person how you want your decorations and everything laid out. Leave it to them the day of, and you can enjoy it!
Ask your vendors for recommendations and tips and tricks.
As wedding veterans, we've seen a lot, have great connections, and know a thing or two about wedding planning. I'm always happy to answer a phone call about wedding recommendations. Also, I've planned dozens of significant corporate events, too, so I have event planning tricks up my sleeve!
Know not everything is going to go as planned. And that's okay.
Chances are good that something will go awry. In the past three years, I haven't gone to a wedding that every detail went 100% as planned. And it's okay! Instead, layback, relax, and enjoy your day. Chances are, in six weeks, or ten years down the road, you're not going to remember that the linens were a shade off or that the flower girl wouldn't toss the petals you purchased.
It’s okay to ask for help and take time for yourself!
Sometimes things can get overwhelming.here are so many details, plans, and checklists, as well as different opinions and personalities. Ask yourself, what do I need during this time? Self-care is key, even if it’s just doing an extra face mask or taking a walk around the block, small things lead to big changes. Find ways to release the tension. There are great guided meditations on YouTube by ‘The Honest Guys.’ Treat yourself to a massage, or go to therapy! Therapy is a beautiful way to check in with your emotions leading up to the big day. Having a therapist who is not only your personal cheerleader, but a person who can provide you a calm, neutral space to process through all the things can make a difference. During this time, remember, be mindful and take it all in. Time really does move quicker when you’re wedding planning. Take care of your needs and prioritize your mental health!
Check out Marriage and Family Therapist Morgan Tolle. She’s also a recent bride and knows the pain of wedding planning!
Eloping may not be for everyone. However, it does have it's benefits! Especially during current times - brides have been forced to cancel their weddings- so why not elope now to eliminate the stress and then plan a wedding or reception later on? Or maybe don't have the wedding at all and just elope. Check out this guide for how eloping works, and find places to elope in Colorado, or around the world here. And remember, there is nothing shameful about eloping verse having a wedding. Instead, it can be much more meaningful and intimate without all the stress!
Focus on the Commitment
I think people tend to lose track of what matters - the commitment you're making to another person. Weddings are fantastic, and they are an essential milestone, however, on your 30th wedding anniversary, you're not going to look back and care about your table linens being a shade off. Instead, you're going to be bragging about the vows you made and how you've lived them out so long, and you still plan to. It's the marriage and the commitment that matters most - that's the frosting on the cake. Go ahead and ask your relatives what details they remember about their wedding twenty plus years ago, then ask them what's most important. I'm sure this will help you calm your nerves.
Pre-wedding depression is a real thing, and you're not alone. It's actually a surprise that it's not talked about more! I hope these tips help you through this tough time, and I truly hope you make decisions that are best for you. Relax, you've got this!
With love, Cassandra Vagher
This article was co-written by wedding photographer Cassandra Vagher and therapist Morgan Tolle.